Free
by Serpentine Fire1
Summary: This is a Grace and Eli one parter, and my very first fanfic for O&A, so please read and review! Thanks! :)


Title: Free

Author: Serpentine Fire

Disclaimer: I don't own O&A, I just watch it!

Rating: General. No potty language, nothing really bad..

Author's Notes: Hmm... well, this is my very first O&A fic so any feedback would really be much appreciated! Once and a while I try to catch a few episode of O&A and I think Eli and Grace's relationship is really interesting, so I decided, hey, why not do a little piece for them? This is kinda a little breather for me from this other story I'm writing for Gilmore Girls. Well anyway, I've kinda gotten off topic, so on with he show!

~*~*~*~*~

Free

Sometimes at night, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, when the darkness of my room shields 

me from the reality of the world, I think of him. Sometimes at night, when I'm under my covers, my thoughts reach out to him. To his voice. To his smile. To his lips. To him...

Eli. _I love him._

Yes, I know, I'm suppose to love him, after all, I am his stepsister, but I don't love him in _that _way, I love him differently... in a stronger way... in a wrong way... I don't know when it first happened, or when I first realized it, all I know is this feeling I have inside of me is strong, powerful, and it's something I can't describe, can't explain. It starts at my toes and shots up to my heart, shaking me to the core. It makes me feel scared and surprised and alive, all at the exact same time. A jolt of electricity sparks me at my fingertips whenever I touch him, whenever his name is mentioned... It's unlike anything I've ever felt before, unlike anything I've ever known. It's like... like heaven and hell, all at once.

I can see him like nobody else can, see _him _like he really is. His uniqueness, his talent, his wit, his heart... I see it all. I know what my family thinks of him, what Rick thinks of him, but what they see isn't really what he is. They see an irresponsible, messed up kid going no where in life; I see a confused, talented teenager trying to make his mark on the world.

He makes me want to become a better person... more like him.

I know what people would say if they knew what I was thinking right now, I know, I'm not stupid. I know it's bad, scary, even wrong to be thinking of my _stepbrother _in this way... in a way that makes me want him. But I can't help it, can't stop it, can't control it. 

I love him.

And I think a part of me always will.

But like I said before, I'm not stupid. I know that no one can ever know about this, and more importantly, I know that he can never know about this. He thinks of me as a kid-sister, as a younger sibling, and maybe sometimes even as a friend, but he never, and will never, think of me the way I think of him. Never.

A part of me thinks it's better that way.

But a part of me thinks it isn't.

Forbidden love, unspoken love, wrong love... that is what plagues my heart at night... that is what causes my unrest. 

I love him.

And I know I shouldn't. 

But I do.

~*~*~*~*

"Hey Grace, what's up?"

His voice penetrated my thoughts and I looked up from my book half expecting him to disappear before my eyes. What was he doing here? I wondered, giving him a tremulous smile.

"Hey Eli," I said back, slipping a bookmark into the book in my palm. "What're you doing here?"

He shrugged, taking a seat next to me on the bench. He was wearing a black T-shirt carelessly splattered with old paint, and a pair of worn torn jeans that I knew he loved. I smiled despite myself; he looked good.

"So..." he said slowly, his brown eyes gazing into mine, "how have you been?"

I frowned, wondering what this was about. Why was he asking..? Did he know..? Had he figured out... No, that was stupid. I had been careful, cautious. No one in the world knew about my secret. No one except me and God, and trust me, that was enough. Finally, after a long pause, I managed to give him a nonchalant shrug and small smile.

"What do you mean? I'm fine as usual. How about you?"

He looked at me for a moment, almost as if he were trying to read my thoughts, only to glance away quickly when I looked back. What was he thinking...?

"I'm fine.. you know, the usual..."

"Ah." Our conversation was less than entertaining, and once again I couldn't help but wonder what in the world he was doing here, at the park, sitting beside me and interrupting my fifth read of 'Pride and Prejudice.' "So Eli... anything new going on with you?" I continued, trying to improve our conversation, "your band doing okay?"

He nodded, his eyes becoming distant. "Yeah, I guess... you know, we're just practicing right now, not really doing any gigs. I think I'm starting to get kinda good actually..."

"Really?" I questioned, perking up, "that's great! It'll be no time before you get a gig some where!"

"Yeah, I guess..." he sort of mumbled, shaking his head, "it just seems like.. oh, I don't know, like I'm kinda going no where."

I said nothing for a moment, my eyes questioning his answer. "Is that what you think, or what Rick thinks?"

I could feel his discomfort at my question, and I already knew the answer before his hesitant reply. "My Dad of course.."

"Oh. So what about you? What do you think?"

He looked kind of surprised at me asking, almost as if he never really thought about it before. Finally, he answered, his gaze drifting toward the horizon. "I think... I think my band is doing okay. Granted, we're not Limp Bizkit or anything, but it's fun you know, and music... music is the only thing I've ever really wanted to do in life. I've never really been that great at school, as you probably already know, but with music... with music it's like a whole knew me, you know what I mean? Like I.. like I..."

"Belong?"

He looked at me, startled at my interruption. "Yeah.. how did you know...?"

"Well.. I know what you mean. At least I think I do. Except with me, it's with writing. I.. I've always wanted to write. Always. Ever since.. well, forever. Even thought it seems like a stupid dream, I still dream it, I still... want it. You know?"

"Yeah..."

I smiled, shaking my head. "But seriously Eli, I think the band's been really good for you. I mean, I don't know if you're gonna become the next Aerosmith or anything, but at least you're still on the music thing. Maybe after a while, you can move on to other things, like producing or writing songs or something like that."

"You really think I could?" His eyes were full of questions, his voice uncertain, and for a brief instant he reminded me of a little lost puppy, unsure and scared. Like a boy- a boy filled with potential of being something great; a boy filled with unlimited possibilities and futures- a boy that could have it all. I could see it. If only he could.

"Yeah, I really think you could," I finally answered, smiling at him. He looked almost relieved at my statement, and laid his back slowly against the bench, his gaze drifting towards the sky.

"Eli?" I questioned, my eyes still on him.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me something."

"Yeah, what?"

"Why are you here?"

"What do you mean.." he said slowly.

"I mean, what are you doing. You know, here. At the park. Talking to me. Shouldn't you be.... I don't know, on a date or something?"

"What, I need a reason to be hanging out with my little sister?" 

His last words stung at me, but I tried my best to pretend not to notice. _Little Sister. _I trembled at the thought, knowing he was right. I was his little sister. "Eli, what do you take me for?" I finally croaked, "seriously, why are you here? Did my Mom ask you to cheek up on me or something?"

He jerked slightly at my last sentence, and at once I knew I was right. Just by the way he looked I knew that I had hit the nail on the head. "Eli, tell me the truth, what did my Mom say to you?"

"Umm.. well, nothing much," he responded vaguely, "just that you've been kinda... I don't know.. sad lately-"

I frowned, realizing what he meant. "You mean depressed? My Mom said I was depressed?"

"No, not really, just that you were a little.. off I guess. Kinda sadder than usual. She just wanted me to go and ask you if something was wrong."

"Well, why didn't she ask me herself," I grumbled, crossing my arms in defiance. 

He shrugged. "She just thought it would be easier to talk to me or something. I don't know, I think she figured you wouldn't have wanted to talk to her."

"Well, I would of," I objected, knowing full well I wouldn't of. To her or to anyone else.

"Yeah, that's what I told her, but she just wanted me to come and... and see how you were."

"Well you can go back home and Nark on her that I'm fine. It's just girl things, you know, PMS."

"Ah.." he said, nodding his head, "but the thing is, Lily told me you had your period a few weeks ago and-"

"She told you that!" I squealed, turning red. 

"Yeah, it's no big deal though." He smiled at my discomfort, obviously amused at my reddened stated. "Trust me, I know all about this kinda stuff from Jessie and my Mom. It really isn't a big deal. After all, we are kinda related now."

"Yeah..." I mumbled hesitantly, "I guess we are...."

"So, you gonna tell me what it is that's been bothering you, or am I gonna have to sneak around and ask Jess?"

I smiled ruefully, shaking my head. "Jessie doesn't know anything because there isn't anything to tell. And further more, even if there were something to tell, which there isn't, I'd have told my Mom. So just go home and tell her that everything's fine with me and that I'm just great."

He raised his eyebrow at me, obviously not buying it. "You sure about that...?" he questioned.

I nodded firmly, my eyes never leaving his. "Yes, I'm sure. I am perfectly alright."

He paused, looking at me in a weird way, then slowly began getting up. I heaved a great sigh of relief as he began to leave, only to be disappointed by his sudden change of mind. Quickly, he sat back down. "Grace, we're friends right?" he asked, his voice filled with determination. 

"Yeah, sure we are." 

"So if we're friends, then why are you lying to me?" I opened my mouth to speak, only to be silenced by his raised palm.

"No, don't say it. I know you're lying to me, I can see it in your eyes. Grace, just tell me what's wrong, I promise I won't tell a soul."

I shook my head defiantly, grabbing my book and getting up. "No, you wouldn't understand." I began to walk away, only to be stopped by El's outstretched hand. Firmly he held onto me, not letting me go.

"Grace, what is it? Just tell me! I swear, no one will ever know. I won't lie to you, I might not understand, but I will listen and be your friend. You will let me do that won't you?"

I bit my lip, trying to hold onto my resolve. His touch sent shivers up my spine, his gaze made me weak. I found myself looking into his eyes, falling headfirst into a pool of dark brown. God, why did he have such control over me? I wanted to run away, to refuse, but I found that I couldn't, and instead smiled unsurely at his pleading gaze.

"Eli... why do you care so much?" I murmured faintly, drawing away my arm. 

"Because I care about you and I want you to be happy," he answered truthfully.

I found myself drowning once again in the abyss of his brown orbs, and I didn't know whether or not I'd be able to find my way back. Finally, after a long eerie silence, I complied, taking my seat on the bench once again.

"Alright," I sighed, brushing a loose strand of hair from my eyes, "if you really want to know, I'll tell you."

"I really want to know."

I shook my head once again, and bent my face downward towards to ground. I didn't want to see his face when I told him this. "I... It's about a guy."

A hallow laugh ensued my words. His laugh. "I should have known. It's always about a guy, even with Jessie."

"Yeah..." I replied slowly, "it is."  


"So this guy... what's his name?"

"I'd- I'd rather not say if it's all the same to you," I whispered.

"Okay... if that's what you want..."

"Yeah." Taking a deep breath and finding my determination, I closed my eyes, ready to continue. "This guy... this guy I'm talking about, he's really... really amazing. Great. Cute and funny and smart, though he doesn't know it, and I... and I.."

"What?" Eli asked, getting more interested. "You what?"

"I.. I love him." I spat the words out angrily, my voice becoming harsh.

"Oh. But that's a good thing right? I always thought being in love was good."

"It is," I confessed, "when the person loves you back. But this guy... this guy doesn't even know I exist. Actually, that's not true. He knows I exist, but not in the way I want him to. He thinks of me more like a little sister than anything else."

"Oh. I can see where that would be a problem."

"Yeah," I mumbled, "a real problem."

"So why don't you just tell this guy how you feel? If he's as half as smart as you make him sound, he won't be stupid enough to let a girl like you go."

I shook my head, trying my best not to laugh at the irony of it. Here Eli was, telling me love advice for my infatuation with _him. _Soap opera. My life is a soap opera.

"That would work I guess," I managed to say, after a long silence, "if it weren't for the fact that me and this guy would totally not work. We're like... like oil and water. Stripes and polka dots. Ice-cream and peanut butter."

"I like peanut butter ice-cream," Eli added, smiling a little. I rolled my eyes but smiled back none the less.

"Oh you know what I mean. Me and him, we totally wouldn't work. But I.. I still.. I don't know..."

"Love him?" Eli interrupted quietly.

I nodded.

"Well, I still don't see why you shouldn't just tell him how you feel. Just because you guys are different people, doesn't mean you wouldn't work out. After all, it's not like you're into marrying this guy or anything.... right?"

"Definitely not!" I agreed, "that would make things even _more_ complicated than they already are! But that's not everything. There's also the fact that Rick and my Mom would totally hate him. Well, not _him _per say, just things about our situation."

"Like what?"

"Like... like.." I frowned, unable to say anything. What could I say that wouldn't give away my secret crush's identity? "Our age. He's way older than me. Like outta High School."

"Really?' Eli asked, sitting up, "do I know this guy?"

I blushed. "Yeah... I think you might."

He looked at me for a minute, not saying a word, but then shook his head. "Is he someone in the band?" he finally questioned.

"No," I answered, not wanting to bring him too close to the truth.

"Oh." 

"So... what do you think I should do," I finally asked him.

"Me? You're asking me for advice?" He sounded surprised at my inquiry.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Well, I don't have the best track record with girls," he confessed, looking sheepish. 

"Oh, I know that," I agreed, smiling despite myself, "but I still want to know. What do you think?"

It didn't take him long to answer. "Well that's easy," he said, "forget about him of course."

I blinked, unsure of what I had just heard. "Just- just forget about him?" I stuttered.

"Yeah. From the way it sounds, you guys are pretty much over before you've even started. A relationship with this guy would be nearly impossible, considering your ages. Can you say statutory rape? Plus, Lily and my Dad would totally flip on you if anything with this guy ever actually happened. So, I figure, just forget about him and move on."

I sat there thunderstruck, unable to say a thing. "I can't- I can't just _forget_, just like that! I love him!"

"I didn't say it would be easy," Eli spoke grimly, eyeing me, "but it's the only way. If not, you'll

be thinking about him forever, mopping around for a person you can't ever have. It's stupid and there are plenty other people out there for you Grace."

I stared at him, finding logic in his response. Just forget. Just forget. Could I do that? Could I really? Well, I could try, I concluded, shutting my eyes. There's really no other way, no other path for me to take.

"Grace?" a voice questioned, penetrating my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I answered softly.

"You okay?"

I nodded, sighing softly.

"You sure?"

I tried my best to give him a brave smile, hoping I didn't fail miserably. "Thanks for the talk," I managed to say, "I really appreciate it."

"No problem," he replied, getting up, "what are friends for?"

I shrugged my shoulders, getting up. "You heading home?" I asked.

"Yeah, you wanna walk with me?"

I shook my head, looking up at his deep brown eyes. Love. I loved him. But now.. now it was time for me to let him go.

"No, I think I'm just gonna walk around for a little bit before I head home. Just to clear my head."

"You sure?"

I nodded, smiling. "Yeah. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

He hesitated, but a small smile from me persuaded him to continue. He turned, ready to walk away, only to stop suddenly and turn back around. "Grace?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll find him someday. The guy that you're looking for. He's out there somewhere, so don't worry."

"I'm not," I lied.

He nodded, and left. 

I watched as he walked away from me, and I knew from his retreating figure that he was right. One day, love would find me, but whoever I belonged with, it wouldn't him. We didn't belong.

I knew from that point on that it was over. That I would no longer stay up late thinking of him. He was gone, and for once, I wasn't sad about it. For once, I was happy. For once, I was free.

~*~*~*~*~

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